husband ni wifey, paalam na ba? -ayoko pa :'(

October 24, 2007
one of my closest friend died
because he commited suicide..

.................................

did somebody planned my life?
should i blame somebody for what
was going on with my life now?

.................................

4 days later.....

October 28, 2007
my ex-lover also died due to
accident.. ='(


before he died,
i was wondering why can't i sleep
from 3am in that day.. anung problema?
ang weird ng pakiramdam ko.. i went to
my room then open my fan.. i laid to
rest for just a minute, sabay bigla na
lang namatay yung electric fan ko, wala
namang nagpapatay.. (then i thought, naku
si yatot nagpaparamdam..)
i just ignored it sabay binuksan ko ulet
ung fan.. i still can't sleep (what's wrong?)

5:30am strikes,
tinamaan ako ng antok..
pero paputol putol tulog ko..
past 11:30am nagising ako..
i received a very bad message..
i thought it was just a joke..

nagtanung-tanung ako sa iba..
"confirmed, patay na talaga sya"

tang ina naman! bakit nangyayari to?
why can't i handle my emotions
righteously? bakit si mark pa???

oh, the day before he died,
pm pa nya ko sa ym,
pero in some circumstances,
i didn't answer his message..
"ang tanga ko kasi sana nag reply ako!
last na pala yun :( "


i still can't believe what had happened..
i know it's already confirmed..
pero ayokong maniwala..
ayoko pa ring maniwala :'(
bakit si mark pa? bakit husband ko pa?
bakit sya pa???


12:07am
-still drowning in too much pain,
-still crying, and
-still petrified..